Hypnosis- I tried a few more videos and they didn't go as well. They were fantastic for falling asleep but gave me the most awful dreams. I think I'm going to retry the the Being Alone video since that seems to be the only one that was pleasant. I'd also like to try watching one during the day to see if they are actually helping me fall asleep or if I'm just tired. Also, the Nail Biting video did absolutely nothing against my habit. Anyways, this was and continues to be a fascinating experience. I'd love to hear how it's affecting other people (is anyone trying this with me?). I showed it to one of my friends, who hated it.
Being Alone- I keep putting off this fear confrontation. I guess I want to do it at a time when I'm not too busy (so I don't feel as though I'm missing too much of the outside world). But that wouldn't really be too fear-inducing. I waste at least an hour a day on the internet, but for some reason I'm not motivated enough to use one of those hours to do the fear confrontation. I should probably do it tomorrow night, when I'll be busy getting all my work done for chem lab the next day, so that I get really anxious about completing everything. I hope this happens soon; I'm excited to do it. Starting is just difficult.
Needles- I'm happy to announce that a forthcoming fear confrontation will be dealing with something I am very much afraid of- needles! I signed up to donate blood next Wednesday. As scared as I am, this is also kind of exciting. I really appreciate the concept of blood donation, so I am happy to take part in it. I'm glad to suffer through a few minutes of fear to aid someone in need. I wanted to do the last blood drive but it was on my busy day of the week. This one is also on my busy day, so I decided to skip my fitness class in the morning. It's not a big deal since I get 3 skips for the semester and I've only used one. This will definitely be a worthwhile experience.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
I Can't Believe I'm Doing This
Tonight I'm going to try something new. In my recent (google) search for more fears to explore, I came across some ads for hypnosis. Since I'm running out of things to blog about, here we go.
I searched Youtube for hypnosis and I found some guy named Rob who has 183 videos in which he whispers into a microphone. I lol'd. I'm going to try the Hypnosis for Being Alone video, since it's something I've talked about before and plan on exploring further. I'll let you all know how this goes in 21 minutes! Here is the video in case any of you are interested:
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What did I just do? That was a supremely odd experience. I couldn't feel my hands... It was like I couldn't move them even if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I must have fallen asleep during the hypnosis but somehow had enough energy to put my laptop away. This morning I semi-woke up having a good dream and went back to sleep, except I was able to continue the dream. That was so weird. I can't tell if I enjoyed it or not. I suppose I'm mostly curious to find out if it worked or not.
It's hard to remember what Rob was saying, but I think he talked about how being alone can be more of a positive time than negative. I'll see how this rationale affects my upcoming fear confrontation. I don't feel as if I am "cured" of my fear, but maybe it will be less scary.
Although I'm still not sure how I feel about all this, I'm going to try another one tonight. Rob has another video dealing with breaking bad habits, including nail biting, which I have been prone to all my life. I've tried lots of things to get rid of it, but nothing has worked. I'm especially eager to stop now that I have a nail art blog in which I post photos of my own hands. I usually photoshop my cuticles to look nice, but that takes time. I hope this can help me stop.
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What did I just do? That was a supremely odd experience. I couldn't feel my hands... It was like I couldn't move them even if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I must have fallen asleep during the hypnosis but somehow had enough energy to put my laptop away. This morning I semi-woke up having a good dream and went back to sleep, except I was able to continue the dream. That was so weird. I can't tell if I enjoyed it or not. I suppose I'm mostly curious to find out if it worked or not.
It's hard to remember what Rob was saying, but I think he talked about how being alone can be more of a positive time than negative. I'll see how this rationale affects my upcoming fear confrontation. I don't feel as if I am "cured" of my fear, but maybe it will be less scary.
Although I'm still not sure how I feel about all this, I'm going to try another one tonight. Rob has another video dealing with breaking bad habits, including nail biting, which I have been prone to all my life. I've tried lots of things to get rid of it, but nothing has worked. I'm especially eager to stop now that I have a nail art blog in which I post photos of my own hands. I usually photoshop my cuticles to look nice, but that takes time. I hope this can help me stop.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Fear Confrontation: Sharing Myself
During class yesterday we were asked to go around the room and say a moment when we felt a strong calling to do something or feel a certain way. When it came to my turn I took the easy way out and chose to share something that isn't terribly revealing about myself. I shared a story about feeling the need to travel abroad throughout high school, which is true, but I was contemplating talking about a different moment in my life, one in which I felt my strongest calling. I decided against it because it would be too scary to reveal that part of myself to a room full of mostly strangers. I thought about this last night, and today I decided to, quite appropriately, share it on my blog.
One day when I was 13, I was lying on the couch watching tv with my parents and I started shaking, as if I was having a seizure. My mom took me to the hospital and at some point in the waiting room, everything went dark. When I woke up again, I didn't know who I was, who my mother was, or why I was in a hospital. My mom tried to tell me who she was, but I didn't believe her. I was rushed into a white room, where I was given a spinal tap. I didn't understand what was going on, so I was kicking and screaming a lot. My mom was visibly upset and had to leave the room, so I felt really vulnerable in there with the doctors. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced.
The next day, I was in a lot of pain, which continued for about 2 months. A couple of doctors came in to talk to me to figure out what had happened and help me relearn my life. My mom was with me the whole time. She told me things about myself that I couldn't remember. When she told me that I had a sister I was really excited. Something clicked at that point that made me believe she was really my mother. Despite everything I had just been through with the spinal tap, something told me to trust her.
I'm not ashamed of this time in my life, nor am I sad about it. I just prefer to share it with people I know will understand. This is where a few of my other fears stem from - needles, because of the spinal tap, and showing my back, because I have a few large scars. I want the overcome these, just as much, if not more than my other fears. I've tried to get over the self-consciousness gradually, but I'm still not entirely comfortable. Maybe an upcoming fear confrontation will deal with my fear of needles, who knows...
One day when I was 13, I was lying on the couch watching tv with my parents and I started shaking, as if I was having a seizure. My mom took me to the hospital and at some point in the waiting room, everything went dark. When I woke up again, I didn't know who I was, who my mother was, or why I was in a hospital. My mom tried to tell me who she was, but I didn't believe her. I was rushed into a white room, where I was given a spinal tap. I didn't understand what was going on, so I was kicking and screaming a lot. My mom was visibly upset and had to leave the room, so I felt really vulnerable in there with the doctors. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced.
The next day, I was in a lot of pain, which continued for about 2 months. A couple of doctors came in to talk to me to figure out what had happened and help me relearn my life. My mom was with me the whole time. She told me things about myself that I couldn't remember. When she told me that I had a sister I was really excited. Something clicked at that point that made me believe she was really my mother. Despite everything I had just been through with the spinal tap, something told me to trust her.
I'm not ashamed of this time in my life, nor am I sad about it. I just prefer to share it with people I know will understand. This is where a few of my other fears stem from - needles, because of the spinal tap, and showing my back, because I have a few large scars. I want the overcome these, just as much, if not more than my other fears. I've tried to get over the self-consciousness gradually, but I'm still not entirely comfortable. Maybe an upcoming fear confrontation will deal with my fear of needles, who knows...
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